if only i could text you this smell
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
