I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
