you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
