cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
