Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize