She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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