I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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