Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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