I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
