Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
