I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm like, not good at living.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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