That's intense
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Vodka?
Forever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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