piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
