fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
