we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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