She said her name was "party"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
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