Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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