Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
