Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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