I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
