Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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