ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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