i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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