By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
