I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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