Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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