When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
