my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
