no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You pole danced in your parka.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
