she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
