His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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