ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My vagina is officially offended.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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