I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
