It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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