News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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