How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is Oprah even human
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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