Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
