I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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