Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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