No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
