There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
