I queefed so loud it echoed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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