i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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