mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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