i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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