so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
