I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
