I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize