so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize