Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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