Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
