She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize