escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
