do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
