the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
