Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
