So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize