I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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