she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
