Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
