that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
