Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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