she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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