if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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