You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to fling myself into the sun
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
