Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
