Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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