I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My dick has a subreddit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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