Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
